Friendship

If someone were to ask you: “what is a friend?” how would you answer? “Someone you can talk to about your problems” or perhaps “someone who is there for you in crisis.” Well, if these are some of your answers then you are on the right track.  A dictionary defines a friend as “one attached to another by affection or esteem.” So in essence, a true friend is someone who can help direct your thoughts toward good things. He can encourage and build you up in times of need and he can even share your grief. That is why you have heard some say: “while material things often lose their value over time, true friendship grows and flourishes with time.”

As a result, this raises the question: how can you form lasting friendships? Obviously, there are no set guidelines that guarantee a lasting friendship but the six steps we will discuss can give you starting point. So the six steps include the following:

1. BE A FRIEND. The only way to have a friend is to be one. A word of encouragement or a helping hand may be the seed from which a great friendship will grow.

2. MAKE TIME FORM A FRIENDSHIP. Most people desire the benefits of friendship. But, they are too busy to invest the necessary time. Remember, friendship, like a flowering plant, needs to be watered and nurtured for it to blossom―and that takes time.

3. PAY ATTENTION WHEN OTHERS TALK. Good, attentive listeners often find it easier to have friends. When you talk with others, show personal interest in their feelings. Encourage them to talk about themselves. Take the lead in displaying honor to them. Then they will want to be with you. On the other hand, if you monopolize every conversation, or constantly put yourself in the limelight, you will have a hard time finding someone who is ready to listen or who cares about your feelings and needs.

4. BE FORGIVING. A true friend is quick to overlook minor failings. Picture it this way: Some don't like eating raspberries because of their little seeds. But, those who enjoy this fruit don't notice the seeds. Therefore, true friends are loved for their good qualities while their minor faults are overlooked. Those who learn to be forgiving keep their friends.

5. RESPECT THE PRIVACY OF OTHERS. Everyone needs some privacy, including your friends. Hence, be reasonable about the frequency and length of visits with friends. Avoid possessiveness, which can lead to jealousy. Use good judgment when expressing personal tastes and opinions on matters. This contributes to a refreshing and welcome friendship.

6. BE GENEROUS. Friendships are cultivated through generosity. For example, share encouraging words with others. When you show genuine interest in the well-being of others, they are drawn to you. Think about what you can do for them instead of focusing on what they can do for you.

Friendship is a gift everyone is able to give and to receive. However, like with anything in life, if you want a lasting friendship you need to be prepared to give time and effort to find success.

Debt

Some time last week, a group of us sat outside the kraal waiting for our next lecture. While deep in conversation, one of the girls said: Can I give you guys some advice?” The rest of us responded: “Sure.” She continued: “Don't open a clothing account because you will end up in debt.” The word DEBT reverberated in my ears like a scratched CD playing on a stereo and I started thinking. . . 

            Debt is an increasing problem today. Millions of people find themselves losing everything because of a number of reasons apart from over spending on clothing accounts. So what simple steps can you take to eliminate debt if you are in that position? Well, there are a number of reasons but we will consider only a few and they are the following: 

            The first move should be to establish a working relationship with a reputable bank. If you must borrow, this is where you will likely get the best interest rate. If your bank refuses you a loan, it is probably doing you a favor. Remember, it is in the business of lending money and will lend it to you if it seems reasonable.

            Second, you must start paying off the debts in some organized way. On paper, project your anticipated personal cash flow over the next 24 months. Be realistic. Include every bit of income you expect to have. Then list everything that must be paid. Include some allowance for items that you cannot even think of right now. List the debts in order of priority. Then allocate your money on a fair basis so that each debt receives at least some payment. Set a target payoff date for each debt.

            In conjunction with this plan, consider where you might reduce costs. Debt reduction always requires some sacrifice. Can the grocery bill be shaved by bargain shopping? What cheaper substitutions can be used in meal planning? Can your living standard be reduced? Can some luxury items be enjoyed less often? Sometimes we just have to be ruthless with ourselves. Certain expenses can be moved from the “necessities” column to the “luxuries” column.

            Once you have a plan worked out on paper, discuss it with your bank loan officer. He will be impressed when he sees that you mean business. He may be able to show you how to improve the plan. He may even suggest a debt consolidation loan. If so, be sure to consider the interest rate and the length of time over which the consolidated debt is to be repaid. It will usually mean smaller payments over a longer period of time. But do not be tempted to use the debt consolidation to borrow more money.

            Obviously, to overcome debt successfully, effort is needed. However, more than that is required. Once you have eliminated your debt, you need to find ways to keep your life free from debt forever. In other words, you should not go back to your old habits. It will not be easy but with endurance you will make it happen!

“I know I should be doing it, but . . .”

It's eight o'clock. You are working on an assignment that you were supposed to start working on last week. The dead line is tomorrow at twelve o'clock. Your phone starts ringing. It's your friend calling to ask you to go to the new restaurant that has opened in town. You know that you are supposed to continue working on your assignment  but you choose to go with your friend to the new restaurant and you assure yourself that you will finish your assignment when you come back.

            If you see yourself in the above description, you can at least draw comfort from the fact that you have plenty of company. Putting it off, postponing, procrastination or whatever else you want to call it is one of the most common of human weaknesses. There is hardly anyone who has not at one time or another said to himself or herself, “I know I should be doing it, but . . .”

            So what can be done to avoid procrastination? Well, there are many ways but we will only consider a few and they are the following:

            Tell time. If you are always running late, literally running because you’re late, learn to tell time. That is, make an accurate assessment of how long you’ll need to do a task. Add a few extra minutes to the task for the “disaster” that may happen.

            Delegate. We often try to do everything ourselves although we may not always need to. Another person may be able to drop off a package for us if we know he is going to the post office.

            Slice it. Sometimes we don’t start a new project because of its size. Why not slice the large task into smaller ones? As we complete the smaller tasks, we’ll see our progress and be encouraged to complete the next phase.

            Plan for interruptions. There are always interruptions in our workday—phone calls, visitors, problems, mail. We want to work effectively, which includes working with other people who also have deadlines. If we are concerned only with working efficiently, we’ll become upset when others get in the way of our activities. Therefore, plan for interruptions. Allow time daily for unplanned developments. When these arise, you can take care of them, knowing that you’ve allowed some time for them.

            Reward. When you do your scheduling, you should plan for intense or concentrated performance for about 90 minutes.  After you’ve actually started the job and have been working for about an hour and a half, you may need to take a short break. If you work in a confined space, pause, stretch, and reflect.  Reward yourself for your work.

So the next time you have something to do rather than postpone it, deal with it there and then Though, it is easier said then done, the benefits of making an effort of doing the right thing will be priceless!

 

Happyness

Every normal person wants to be happy. Yet, the faces of workers, travelers, shoppers and others more often reflect worry, sadness or apathy; not happiness. Why? Well, the pace of life in our generation is faster than ever before and the pressures of daily living are greater. People find that time quickly slips by as they try to get things done. Consequently, some feel having happiness as a regular part of life, now and in the future, often seems like an impossible dream. So what can be done to attain some happiness in our hectic lives?

            There are many ways you can find happiness but we will only discuss three points. They include the following:

            First, consider the alternatives. Almost all of us can think of some tragedy that would lessen the happiness we have at this moment. That being so, it means that we do have a measure of happiness now, without such tragedies having happened. So, while we may not feel very happy about our condition in life, it helps us to realize that we are usually better off than we have imagined. Appreciating what we have surely would include appreciating life itself. While you may have many problems that can be depressing, you still would rather be alive than dead, would you not? So the next time you are feeling sad, remember to say: “I am glad to be alive.”

            Second, happiness requires work. While it may seem desirable not to have to work at all, that is not really the case. If everything were somehow miraculously done for us, life would become incredibly boring. The reason is that we were made to thrive on a proper amount of activity. While the work you do may seem uninteresting or unimportant, does it not make a contribution to your existence, for example, helping to pay your bills? Then it is important to you. And it is important to society in general, for if all the seemingly routine or “dull” jobs were eliminated, how long would society continue to function? True, your work may not be as desirable as someone else’s. But it almost always makes some contribution, not only to your welfare, but to that of others also. If you look at it that way, you can feel some satisfaction in trying to do your job well.

            Lastly, our relationship with others. We cannot truly be happy without the friendship, affection, warmth and understanding that comes from people. True, in some places, such as crowded cities, one might at times wish that all the people would disappear. However, who would really want to be completely alone? While that may sound appealing for a little while, the fact is that we cannot find genuine happiness without other people, even if we are disappointed or angered by them at times. Yet, it is not merely having others around us that brings happiness. What really matters is our showing love, a vital ingredient needed for happiness. And the kind of love, the kind that will bring the best results, is a love based on right principles, as well as being warm and affectionate.

            Therefore, a measure of genuine happiness is possible but to enjoy it requires real effort.

Laugh your head off

“Laughter is a pain killer without side effects.”- George.

Are he daily pressures of life causing you to walk around with a ‘chip on you shoulder,’ so to speak. If so, laughter is the best medicine for you.

Evidence is slowly accumulating that laughter may serve as a therapeutic tool. It is known that the act of laughing gives a healthy massage to one’s internal organs. Furthermore, according to American Health magazine, some “researchers think laughter may empower the immune system.” The magazine then quotes immunologist Lee S. Berk as saying: “Negative emotions can manipulate the immune system, and it now seems positive ones can do something similar.”

In hopes of utilizing the healing power of humor, some hospitals have set up so-called laughter rooms in which patients can play games, watch funny movies, listen to jokes, or simply visit with relatives in a more cheerful atmosphere. Can you put humor to work yourself? Say you have a sick friend or relative in the hospital. Why not brighten that ailing one’s outlook by giving him or her a humorous book or funny card where that would be appropriate?Laughter can also eliminate anger. Dr. Williams notes: “It’s hard to stay angry when you’re laughing.” Yes, seeing the humor in a situation is one of the most constructive ways of handling anger.

However, good things, when indulged in to excess, can be harmful. Laughter is no exception. The Illustrated Medical and Health Encyclopedia says: “Laughter is, then, like every other function of the body, a mechanism that should be used enough but never too much. Overexercise or overuse of any function of the human body is not conducive to its best development.”

Excessive laughter can at times lead to vomiting. Especially in the case of children, too much laughter can cause the sphincter muscles of the bladder and the rectum to relax suddenly, with embarrassing results. Some doctors even believe that laughing is dangerous for those suffering from heart or upper respiratory afflictions. Yet, there is a more vital reason for controlling laughter which is thoughtless laughter can grate on the ears of others. Rather than proving to be a source of encouragement, such laughter tends to discourage others.

Therefore, even though laughter can benefit you physical, you need to be careful not to engage in laughter for laughter's sake.

A useful art to master

Today there are all manner of “gaps” between people. For example, there are “gaps” between parents and children, between schoolteachers and their students, between employers and employees and the list goes on. What are the causes of these gaps? No doubt there are many but possibly one of the main ones is failure on both parties to communicate. This, in turn, is because each party is failing to listen to the other. So how can you master the art of listening?

First of all, active listening is paying attention, concentrating on what is being said. But what if the one talking is a boring speaker? Though the speaker may lack some polish and even some education, listen for facts that are useful, practical and worth while. For the moment, forget the speaker’s manner or his appearance. Is what he tells you truthful and beneficial? Do not show the arrogance of one woman who told two visitors: “I don’t discuss such matters with anyone who doesn’t have at least an M.A. Degree!”

Next, since you can listen four times faster than a person can talk, utilize that time to sort out and classify the information. Associate it with what you already know. Think out the results of application of the information. Don’t jump to conclusions. Hear the speaker out. Control prejudices so that you do not respond emotionally. The wise man recognizes truth no matter who speaks it. Hear enough so as to be able to draw valid conclusions later. You will have the time to do that with most speakers. Hence, it is appropriate to follow the counsel of Donald Trump who said to a group at a meeting: “Listen slowly.”

Avoid the tendency to respond with constant contradiction. It can be humiliating to try to reply to a matter before hearing it out.  After all, who knows everything? Remember that the views you now have were shaped by information you took in some time ago. You did not always have those views. Keep an open mind now. It is the sensible person who knows that there is more to learn.

Finally, prepare to act upon what you hear. Without putting into action any direction or advice given, there is little accomplished. As one communications textbook put it: “Effective listening . . . occurs in four stages—sensing (hearing the message), understanding (interpreting it), evaluating (appraising it), and responding (doing something about it).”

In the same way as any art, even when one has talent, developing the skill of listening calls for training, exercise and patience. This will mean hard work but the end result will bring satisfaction to you and others and can do much to improve relationships in many areas of life.

As a final point, I would like to end with these words: “When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings. When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem. Listen! All I ask is that you listen. Don't talk or do – just hear me.”

The silent killer

As you are well aware, it is easier to put out a small fire than to extinguish a raging inferno. Similarly, small doses of stress are easier to control than large amounts of stress that have built up over a period of time. One medical doctor says that “it is crucial that we make the daily practice of stress management a priority in our busy lives.”

The aim of making a daily practice of stress management is twofold. First, it helps us to reduce the stressful triggers in life that can be reduced. And second, it helps us to control our response to the stresses that are unavoidable.

Hence, what is involved in a daily practise of stress management? Happily, there are four steps you can apply and they include the following:

1. Reduce irritants. A dripping tap, a creaking door, a wobbling table can cause irritation. Small irritants add to your total load of stress. Do something about them. Get things tightened, oiled, and repaired. Have within reach things that are often needed. Organize. Experts say we spend 20 to 30 percent of our time just looking for things. Rearrange, tidy up, and decorate. Make it comfortable. Do not become a perfectionist, though. Perfectionism is a stressful burden for anyone to bear.

2. Organize and limit your activities. There’s a saying that if you try to catch two horses at the same time, you will miss both of them. List what you have to do each day, and do one thing at a time. Work out a schedule with your parents about when and how to care for duties at home. Then do these willingly and cheerfully. Do not join in reckless, stressful activities that bring you into situations that cause you anguish and fright. It might be exciting for the moment but destructive in the end.

3. Lessen fear of failure. Varsity tests can really put stress on anybody. You can lessen fear of failure, though, if you prepare well, get everything in order the day before, go to bed early, and sleep well. Do not take stimulants. They might put you on edge, not give you one. Relax, but do your best. Remember, one test seldom makes or breaks a person for life. If you fail, there will be other chances.

4. Talk to somebody. Steam boilers need escape valves. We humans even more so. When you feel anxiety and concern all bottled up in you, you should talk to somebody. For example, a friend, a parent, a brother, or a sister.

We cannot eliminate stress but we can learn to lessen and control it.