Today there are all manner of “gaps” between people. For example, there are “gaps” between parents and children, between schoolteachers and their students, between employers and employees and the list goes on. What are the causes of these gaps? No doubt there are many but possibly one of the main ones is failure on both parties to communicate. This, in turn, is because each party is failing to listen to the other. So how can you master the art of listening?
First of all, active listening is paying attention, concentrating on what is being said. But what if the one talking is a boring speaker? Though the speaker may lack some polish and even some education, listen for facts that are useful, practical and worth while. For the moment, forget the speaker’s manner or his appearance. Is what he tells you truthful and beneficial? Do not show the arrogance of one woman who told two visitors: “I don’t discuss such matters with anyone who doesn’t have at least an M.A. Degree!”
Next, since you can listen four times faster than a person can talk, utilize that time to sort out and classify the information. Associate it with what you already know. Think out the results of application of the information. Don’t jump to conclusions. Hear the speaker out. Control prejudices so that you do not respond emotionally. The wise man recognizes truth no matter who speaks it. Hear enough so as to be able to draw valid conclusions later. You will have the time to do that with most speakers. Hence, it is appropriate to follow the counsel of Donald Trump who said to a group at a meeting: “Listen slowly.”
Avoid the tendency to respond with constant contradiction. It can be humiliating to try to reply to a matter before hearing it out. After all, who knows everything? Remember that the views you now have were shaped by information you took in some time ago. You did not always have those views. Keep an open mind now. It is the sensible person who knows that there is more to learn.
Finally, prepare to act upon what you hear. Without putting into action any direction or advice given, there is little accomplished. As one communications textbook put it: “Effective listening . . . occurs in four stages—sensing (hearing the message), understanding (interpreting it), evaluating (appraising it), and responding (doing something about it).”
In the same way as any art, even when one has talent, developing the skill of listening calls for training, exercise and patience. This will mean hard work but the end result will bring satisfaction to you and others and can do much to improve relationships in many areas of life.
As a final point, I would like to end with these words: “When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings. When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem. Listen! All I ask is that you listen. Don't talk or do – just hear me.”
